Text transcription
A screenshot of a Reddit post in r/Jokes by u/OneChrononOfPlancks, posted to Tumblr.
Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don’t just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe…
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.
Reply from red-faced-wolf:
I hate it. Bad post. Horrible. Have a terrible day
Reply from scienceandfandoms
I love it. Great post. Fantastic. Have a wonderful day
Mixing religion in with vampires really points out the fictional nature of all religions. They’re just as goofy as vampires.
Still, vampires remain one of the best critiques of capitalism we have available.
Much older than capitalism itself. It’s a critic of power hoarding and hierarchical power structures.
The top bleeds the bottom dry. That was a sad reality before capitalism developed out of mercantilism.
Although, admittedly, it’s big popularity started with Dracula when capitalism already reared its ugly head.
I don’t disagree with what you’re said but I’m not saying that they have the same age or that the ultimate origin doesn’t go back further.
The point is that nothing brings home reality of the top bleeding the bottom dry, in all its forms, better than an undying blood sucking parasite, that gains extra life from your dead labour (excess to what you need for a reasonable life etc.). What you’re forced to do, but not for the community or pensions, hospitals. Just to make someone else richer, for doing no work.
Bless
Level: 1st Casting Time: 1 Action Range/Area: 30 ft. Components: V, S, M * Duration: Concentration 1 Minute School: Enchantment Attack/Save: None Damage/Effect: Buff
You bless up to three creatures of your choice within range. Whenever a target makes an attack roll or a saving throw before the spell ends, the target can roll a d4 and add the number rolled to the attack roll or saving throw.
Well the answer seems simple. The clouds neither count as creatures, nor are they in range.
Cleric: Mind your manners, scum. Don’t forget how we dealt with your kind in Aafrika.
Vampire: YOU KILLED HUNDREDS OF MY KIND, YOU MONSTER!!!
Bard: Um, what the heck did you do?
Cleric: I blessed the rains down in Aafrika.
The bards name? Toto
The duality of woman
I mean, they could do it if they’re many, as there’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
Fuck Reddit and Fuck Spez.
If it makes you feel better, this post is actually from 7 years ago, before Reddit’s enshittification.
Fuck Reddit and Fuck Spez.
Because the priest uses his FP to infuse the water with Holy +1. But the amount of FP is fixed, based on the current level the priest has. This means the more water the priest tries to infuse, the weaker the effect. When infusing a small vial of water, it’s very effective. For a vampire it would be like throwing scalding hot water at a regular person, burning them badly. But if you try to do something larger, it doesn’t work as well. Once you get to the size of a coke bottle, it would be like just luke-warm water, not doing a lot. At that point, you’d be better off throwing pocket sand.
Hmm, I thought FP might be Focus Point and that this was the rules for Pathfinder 2e. But I couldn’t find anything concrete about creating “holy water”. The closest I found was a 2nd rank ritual that covers a 40 foot radius around an altar or shrine (or 80 on a critical success) for one year (or 10 years on a crit—choose one of these options on a crit). Or a 2nd level feat that creates up to 3 small containers’ worth of holy water as “a temporary effect”.
Definitely not gonna be blessing the rains at this rate.
Could just bless the water in their bodies.
Maybe that’s what they’re doing when they scare vampires off with the cross?
Omg, it blesses the moisture in their eyes!!
Maybe that’s why their eyes go red!
Holy water works only for christian vampires. Atheist vampires remain unaffected.
Though occasionally your luck runs out when you meet a really ancient vampire who can only be stopped with the totems of a stone-age shamanic cult no historic record remains of.
Or garlic
Or didn’t they have garlic in the ancient times?
They’d have had proto garlic. Probably not as delicious as modern, but still like. Tasty?
It’s about the belief of the priest, regardless of the beliefs (or lack thereof) of the vampire.
It’s like antibiotics. If you keep blessing water without restraint, soon you’ll get holy-water-resistant vampires.
My toilet water is already holy. It’s filled with spirits every night.
