Here to add that this is my problem too, and I have a therapist… that I talk to by phone once every 2-3 weeks (Here in the states psychotherapy openings are impacted so anyone who doesn’t have super-good insurance is on the wayside) and she’s more of a CBT coach.

I’m trying to figure out why anyone is alarmed that I want to head to the check-out lane, given our society elected the party that regards us all as expendable, and very much wants there to be fewer Americans and more elbow room for the MAGAs.

As I’m likely to be elevated on the list of priority persons to get the CECOT treatment, I still need to arrange for a rapid exit strategy for when ICE stormtroopers blast down my apartment door. Kennedy Jr. has some serious beef with us ASD folk, and as someone who is on a fixed income (though I’ve had jobs and even have written poetry) am exactly the sort that he wants to purge.

For the moment, I am currently living for a cat and a dog. I regard them as persons and can’t trust anyone else to. And so am very reluctant to re-home them until I cannot support them any longer. I might be living so as to not traumatize my wife (we’re separated) but lately I seem to be more of an obligation and a burden. It didn’t help she went to a family Easter event to which I was uninvited. I spent the day alone.

What I don’t understand is why elected officials claim that people like me are a burden to the state are distressed by the notion that we might want to self-dispose (This is, or rather was, my only country, my only society) Indeed, the US suicide rate has soared since the Trump era began in 2016. We’re higher than Japan now, and gaining on Russia.

I don’t think it’s that anyone actually cares about me, I’m an abomination, like The Outsider in HP Lovecraft’s story of the same name. They just don’t want to process the cadaver and meager legacy I would leave.

Anyway, I go off and on suicide watch, but in these times, we’re all expendable, and sooner or later going to be removed from the new MAGA society to be stuffed into a megaprison gulag. I’ve been told by 77 million American voters they don’t want me around. I don’t understand the drama if I immolate myself in front of a state building. Is this not what they want?

PS: Wife and family are considering giving me ECT, the same stuff that Hemmingway and David Foster Wallace tried before they decided it didn’t work.

Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to

Don’t feel sorry.

Have you considered writing in a journal? I started as a little boy myself (now well into my 50s) and it helped me tremendously all my life and still does to this day.

As a child, I could certainly not speak with my dad or my mom despite or because of the things that happened to me. Even ignoring my family, a lot of my thoughts I simply could not share them with my best friend as he would not have understood most of it. Writing in my journal, discussing with myself in my journal, was my way of dealing with that absolute loneliness (after I quickly learned to make said journal unreadable to my inquisitorial mother that would quickly find it and read it no matter how hard I tried to hide it)

Find a therapist. Online therapy can be affordable and accessible.

that’s also something I won’t get over

This is a tell tale sign of depression; the feeling that there is no “better” ahead. I could tell you there is but it might be hard to believe.

In my situation, I have a person by my side always who I trust completely. So I have somebody to help keep my head and memory clear… and I still get depressed sometimes. Hang in there.

No where. There’s only so many times I can be ignored and be okay with it, or have my hand slapped when I reach out.

I come here.

You may notice I’m here a lot.

I am an old man. I have often felt like this a lot in my life. I also have had problems with PTSD and depression from my history. Within the past few years my kids have been diagnosed with various neuro divergencies and this has taught me much about myself and this way if thinking.

I have learned fairly recently that a lot of my feelings like this are related to the differences in my brain and a so called “normal” brain and learning about why I had this thought process really has helped me understand why this happens to me. It all was because I cared about my kids and saw the same things happening to them. I just wanted them to avoid all the mental anguish I experienced in life.

It has been so enlightening and mostly came from sitting with them during their diagnosis and treatments and learning about how these things are genetic (possibly why it’s so difficult to talk to your family about it as well) and passed from parents to kids.

Go to a doctor. You are Canadian I assume by your user name. Tell them how you feel. Ask for a referral to a mental health professional. Depending on where you live there may also be a mental health help line to do all that stuff so you don’t actually have to go anywhere.

Please take care of yourself. Should you find that I am someone you could perhaps talk to about your problems feel free to reach out. If not I encourage you to find someone. Keeping all that inside leads to more problems than fewer and can easily destroy your life and those you love when unchecked and unchallenged. You can do this! One step at a time and one day at time.

I either talk to my partner, therapist, or ask online :)

Nicole

It’s going to sound dismissive, but I don’t go to others. I’ve found in my times of feeling the most alone, the only thing that allowed me to feel different was introspection.

I do absolutely understand the primal desire to be around others for support, but self-sufficiency and finding satisfaction without the help of others was my only way forward.

It wasn’t so much that I needed to change or that I was doing something wrong, but I forced myself to focus on those feelings and try to understand where they were coming from and learned that other things in my life gave me that satisfaction. For me, I make art when I’m feeling the most alone because it allows me to express that feeling.

Another thing that may come across as harsh is that you’re the only one in charge of your own happiness. If you feel like none of your friends are supporting you, it’s up to you to go out and find new people to fill their space.

Friends that are only there for you when you’re feeling good are not friends.

I’ve messaged friends posted on lemmy and sometimes some people on discord.

If you need to verbally say stuff then there are probably discord servers, vrchat, and sometimes I’ve even spoken in csgo surf lobbies. One of my best and most experiences have been in csgo lobbies. Sometimes you’ll hear some dude try to rap and stuff and it’s kinda funny.

Do you have a hobby that you might be interested in that involves meeting up with others? I know for a fact that more than a few good friendships started this way.

In the US, 988 has a warm line. They get a bad rap but if you call, wait and ask for the warm line during the day, they will call back within 48 to 72 hours to talk about anything for a half hour. For when you are not in a crisis, but still need to talk. If you ever are, look up crisis numbers in your area.

I moved five countries over so I don’t have to talk to or see my family. I used to sail away so that I don’t have to talk to, or even see other people.

Right now I’m in-between boats and trying out camping to get away from people instead. Also, the dogs like it more than sailing. Having to dinghy to shore for pee breaks gets tiring real fast.

That’s the neat part, no one.
But hey, you’re not alone being alone. (Sorry, I kinda like that sentence)