I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
We took the first 10 months together and then I took an additional 8 months while she got back to work.
Literally zero regret. There’s so many small moments you’ll miss not being around. No amount of money can bring that back. Now that I’m working full time, it fucking hurts just seeing the kid basically just for dinner and bedtime during the week.
Honestly it took me years to lose the American work mindset. It was destroying my brain.
Take the leave and feel no shame. Others are reacting because you taking leave challenges their understanding of work. Something that is exceedingly rare in the US.
I’m pretty sure there is enough research that supports the idea of paternity leave increasing parental involvement and connection with your child and leading to more gender equality/more balanced responsibilities in families.
My husband and I went the very conservative route with him being off for 2 months and me being off for 3 years (German classic). Let me tell you I would have not survived the newborn stage, having no help from outside, without him. At the same time, for him it was so hard - although I am not sure that work was easier, he after all still came home to a little baby. Parental leave doesn’t mean you get to chill, it means you have no excuse for not doing half of the night shift, half of everything except breast feeding. When he went back to work, he would do the night shifts on the weekends, and I would do all the night shifts on workdays.
Your co-workers are morons. They miss out on helping their baby mamas, connecting with their kids, and going through a unique experience. Even if your pay was much lower, it’s worth it. It’s hard and stressful and awful and it is the best thing you’ll ever do.
Aside from the obvious fact that you should ne there for your partner and child, paternity leave is both economically sound for your employer and the economy as a whole.
It will mean a healthier child with better relationships to his parents. This will improve his/her performance in school, reduce the likelyhood of problematic behaviour requiring interventions and later the likelyhood of criminal activity.
So your child will likely be a more productive and reliable grown up eventually and you will have less stress as parents, which also improves your productivity.
Swede here. Taking care of your family means being an active parent and a sharing partner.
I took 18 months paternity leave with our firstborn so my partner could finish their degree.
Not sure what this post is about, OP… What are you actually asking?
Paternity leave is obviously vital if you’re a decent parent and partner. If you have it available you take it and you focus on your family. Your mentioned group of coworkers sound like fucking degenerate scumbags stuck on a pointless treadmill. I feel sorry for their partners and their children.
You should take some time to consider why you didn’t have a visceral reaction of outright disgust and had to come here and ask for others to chime in. Tune in, bud. It’s all about your kids now. Don’t look for worthless approval from worthless people.
You are not missing something, they are.
The first couple of years are the most important for a child’s development. The more you can be there for your kid, the better. And sharing the load of child rearing will increase the bond between you and your spouse. It’s disgusting to see American men reduce “supporting the family” to just bringing home money. Your family needs so much more than that!
I applaud you for taking paternity leave. Most of the criticism towards you is probably a mixture of ignorance and jealously. Take your 12 weeks and come back with a smile on your face and brag how awesome that time was - because it will be.
For comparison: I live in Austria, childcare leave can last from a year to two years and parents can split it 18mo/6mo for instance. Add to that 8 weeks of mandatory “birth time protection” before and after the predicted birth date where mothers aren’t allowed to work by law but receive full salary. I WISH my wife and I could have split our maternity/paternity leave but it didn’t work out financially back then.
From Portugal, here.
Take that time, enjoy it and cherish it. It’s your family and that time will be an ever lasting memory for all of you.
I’ve just lost someone in my team for 4 months due to paternity leave. As far as I’m aware on full pay too.
I’m happy he gets to take it, you guys in the US have it rough with workers rights. I’d say take the maximum you can and enjoy the time, we’re not put on this earth to generate profit.
Be the change you want to see and make sure you brag to everyone about how great it is when you get back, maybe they’ll start to think differently.
Americans are weird.
Honestly the time with your partner and kid is precious irreplaceable.
Anyone who’s weird about it is insecure about their own paternal involvement.
If you can live on 85% then it’s an awesome opportunity, and super rare in the US. I’d be trying to find something to bridge the financial gap, some under the table gig or something because I already don’t make enough.
I also had 12 weeks of paternity, but I split mine up. I took 6 weeks (which I feel like was the minimum I should have) at birth to care for the kids and for mama. I split up the other 6 weeks over 2 weeks breaks at different times. It is so important to have dedicated time to bond and care for your child. My relationship with my daughter is amazing and it started so early because I was able to be there and care for her early on. It’s weird that in the past people didn’t have the opportunity to be there and bond with their children. Why should work ever be more important than your own blood. “Supporting” your family by working vs taking paternity leave and also spending time with your kid is a no brainer. I think some people just think work is the most important part of their life. Work is what makes you money to live your life. Don’t forget to live.
I enjoyed my time with our newborn, but it’s no vacation. I took 4.5 months of paternity leave in a row.
Sweden is pretty generous with parental leave. Me and the Mrs get 480 days to share between us. 390 of which are at some 80% of our salary. The other 90 days pay peanuts, but great to have when you need some time off to get started with preschool and stuff. You have 90 days earmarked for yourself that can’t be transferred to the other parent.
At 5 days a week those 480 days last two years.
I am not a parent but I think paternity leave is essential. Your wife is doing to need a lot of help and it’s just as important for you to bond with your baby as her.
Lol, here in Norway 2 months ish paternity leave is mandatory
The mom guys back to work for that period, leaving you alone with the kid, but if they breastfeed you kinda have to stop by the office once a day for snacks…
I did that for 6 months, which is pretty much the max. I enjoyed the hell out of it, you connect way more to your kid honestly.
I got 100% of my pay. (Government gets you to a certain level, and then most companies covers the rest)
