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Obviously you should make it sound like scattered notes in Resident Evil
I get why it’s done from a narrative point of view, but some obnoxious pedantic voice in my head never stops wondering why people would write down obscure lore notes in the middle of a disaster or when they’re about to die. It makes sense for some organisation’s agents to document their discoveries and leave (incremental) reports on-site in case they don’t make it back for a full report, but some random raider in FO4 noting down how pissed he is with his boss?
Of course, I’m a sucker for lore, so I’ll take it, particularly when it’s in audio log form during exploration sections so I can keep exploring and listen instead of stopping to read.
I have taken your samples. You will never see them again.
Farnsworth Voice:
Good news everyone! We have a delivery of Samples to Test 14, the testing planet. A hazardous world of unregulated science and mad experiments where you will surely be killed. Well, off you go.Hermes voice:
If you’ll refer to form S-43.0 through 681, you will see that each sample was taken, registered, and filed. Scientists will then be able to request access to each sample using forms S-48 and B-2250 and can then perform analysis if they also provide forms A-6654.2 and D-12.8, though D-12.8 is only required if the analysis is destructive. If the analysis results in the destruction of the entire sample, you’ll also need to file a D-12.4 along with an S-40 request for a replacement sample, which might also require an E-36 expedition request.
>be me. >collect samples. >do pro testing in the samples. >get shit results.Life of a poop scientist
Fecalologist, actually.
Poopsmith.
(sorry for the jpg and lack of pixels)
We hunted the samples at nightfall and subjected them to relentless, unforgiving scrutiny.
The warrior voice
Temba, his arms full. Darmok and Jalad at the ocean. Uzani, when light came over the mountain
Elizabeth Holmes, when asked for data
Nelson, when bad things happen to other people
The war paint began to run with our sweat… but the samples, they were another matter. They stood no chance.
Festive voice
It’s begining to look a lot like samples
Results on every form.
Shakespeare voice?
The samples gathered on the bench anon
Support my new hypothesis by mornA paper full of garbage data stacked
Statistically massaged supports our grantTo publish, to perish, a choice is naught
For tenure is the very thing I wantTwas not the merit of the deed, but the volume of the citation that laid waste to all dreams of laboratoire bare
In a university there was a lab. And in this lab there lived a postdoc. One day in the third month of their the postdoc heard a rap on their door. It was the professor! They said the postdoc would soon be approached by 12 undergrads, and…
<300 pages of worldbuilding later>
“You must take the samples! And throw them into the synchrotron! I am too old and burnt out to do it!” pleaded the old postdoc to the phd student.
<500 pages of more worldbuilding>
“I did the testing, but the results are not meant for me. I must now travel to the West, into the Private Sector.” said the PhD at their graduation party.
Where are the songs?
“I did the testing, but the results are not meant for me. I must now travel to the West, into the Private Sector.” said the PhD at their graduation party.
A desolate wasteground of nothingness washed over the land, leaving nothing but apathy and desolation in it’s wake. The postdoc picked up a fallen fence post and sharpened it into spear. “These are dark times” they whispered, and set off back up the mountain, picking up the charred remains of the bridge to their former lab and pulling on the thin whisps of job strings dangled carelessly at random from the sky, sometimes doing nothing other than pulling the stormy sky down further to the ground.
Wait where is the completely unnecessary side plot about the undergrads partying with another professor??
A Song of Ice-III and Fire
Shouldn’t that be exothermic oxidation?
Extra passive headline voice:
A sample was seen and collection happened. The scientists deny any testing.
The scientists deny any testing.
That’s active voice tho
Do Trump Maga voice.
Our very great, very excellent team collected samples, and might I add these are some of the greatest samples we have ever seen! I went to the russian scientists and they said “mr. trump we have never seen samples these great” such great samples indeed.
Leaving out the “and we tested them” bit is intentional. Trump would probably forget an important piece of info in his word vomit.
kinda like chatgpt ngl
Lol… even without mentioning him one can tell it is him saying all that.
I heard Trump say “The russian scientist went wild on the samples.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4WgOPT9TUA
Now I want everything science related written in conspiracy voice. Then again, with the current US government, that’s how our leaders read them anyway.
I would absolutely be entertained for at least 5 minutes reading a scientific paper written entirely in conspiracy voice.
Does Jonathan Frakes do commissions on Cameo? ♪Ideaaa!♪
Do you believe in the power of a curse?
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Conspiracy voice is reading to me like grad school voice. Just replace the suspicious overtones with condescension and ridicule.
