I’m in my late 20s. In the last years, I’ve moved a few times and tried out a bunch of things. And discovered I have a hard time getting close to people.

I used to think I just need to go out more. But I found out that most people I meet just don’t seem to “fit” with me.

Let’s say I meet some interesting people, who are funny, smart and have shared interests with me. We make a bit of small talk, hang out, and then I go home exhausted, feeling like I just came out of a work meeting that should have been an email. And given from how they rarely invite me back, I guess the feeling is mutual.

Someone told me I am quite cold towards people I don’t know well. Part of that might be that my usual way of talking is a bit emotionless. Another part could be a consequence of me basically going through the script in my head. “How is work these days? Cool. Yeah, me too. Yup.” I don’t want to be this way. But I also don’t want to go into full sales presentation mode, because that feels really wrong.

I used to think I would just become misanthropic. But there are people where I just click with. Talking to them is not a chore, but something I look forward to. And they seem to enjoy my company as well. Some events seem to have a lot more of “my people”, some less.

If you read my rambling until here, thanks. I genuinely don’t know any more. Am I becoming the old sod sitting on his porch yelling at kids? Or am I just spending time on the wrong people? Have you experienced something similar? And how could I change this?

  • zcryj@lemmy.worldOP
    1·
    16 hours ago

    That is a cool story. Sadly, 14-year old me was an idiot, and being in my politically edgy phase didn’t really help. Meh, live and learn. But that sounds like a very impressive friendship. I know lots of married couples that would wish for such a connection.

    • Libb@jlai.luEnglish
      2·
      12 hours ago

      Thx. I was an idiot too. I was just a pretentious and vocal idiot. I still probably am one today, just less vocal.

      I know lots of married couples that would wish for such a connection.

      My spouse and I have been together for almost 30 years and counting and we’ve gone through some real rough time that would have broken many other couples. Like with friendship, we view our couple as a privileged space where we can and should be honest, even when it hurts but at the same time as a place where we don’t judge ever and when needed can forgive a lot—she has forgiven me much more than I will ever have to forgive her on that matter… She is the one that should talk about forgiving, much more than I.