I’m fixing the mistake my parents made by having me and the mistake I made not killing myself 19 years ago life a fucking idiot. My hands are bleeding from punching the wall and I won’t be able to work later anyway. Yeah so fucking funny that a kid is smelly and gross because the parents never taught it how to clean itself and wipe. So funny. It’s stinky because it’s a retard. So fucking funny. And when it learns how to be clean on its own, that’s so funny that it’s trying to be grown and normal like actual people. Funny! So fucking funny that it wants body wash, that’s so funny, a retard asking for body wash instead of an actual human being. Funny! And when it grows older and gets into skincare that’s so funny! It wants to be grown at 23! So funny that a 23 year old bought skincare products at 23 years old, that’s so funny that a 23 year old retard is stepping out of its place to try being normal that’s SO FUCKING FUNNY RIGHT? Yeah the retard should just be the stink and dirty retard it always was instead of an actual human being. I really should have killed myself sooner.
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Life gets better for the loved, and I am extremely stupid for thinking that included me.
Whoa whoa whoa, friend, slow down. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re loved. I promise, I mean that.
I don’t know what you’re going through but I know where I’ve been and what I’m reading here. I know shame. I know anger and resentment. I know feeling trapped at the bottom of a well forever. I know that it seems like someone who was supposed to take care of you and keep you safe didn’t do that, and I’m sorry. Some people had some really terrible attitudes about things and that led them to hurt you, but it’s gonna be okay if you stick around. Okay? Or at least, it can be.
There is a lot of beauty to find in being alive, and you’ll never see it if you’re not. Time will keep going forward and pain will fade, and your good choices will eventually pile up into a mountain you can stand on top and look back from. I mean that, because I’m a survivor, and I’m standing on that mountain now. It took a long time but I got there, and you can too.
Let your life be a testament to the divine beauty that is your own existence. Fuck those people. You are you and you never get another one. So, please, stick around, okay?
I’m wondering if I should go for the train or cop method like I planned 19 years ago or if I should do another.
Killing yourself is never the answer, but involving other people in your suicide is a major dick move.
I’m so fucking tired of perpetually being too old and too young for everything.
Too old for family friendly media, too young for everything else, and being into no media at all is scary and I should be locked away for having no interests or hobbies. Just eradicate that stupid shit.
Buddy, you need to work on enjoying the things you like and not worrying about what others think. I spent all yesterday evening watching The Fairly Odd Parents and this morning watching the OG Pokémon.
I’m 35 and if you think that’s childish that’s your problem, not mine.
It sounds like you will do much better if you cut the toxic people out of your life. There’s no law that says you have to stay in communication with people who are detrimental to your well-being. I haven’t talked to my father or his side of the family in years and I regret nothing.
It’s hard to when I was literally abused into enjoying nothing
Killing yourself just means that your abusers win.
If you really want to stick it to them, work on being happy with who you are. Nothing pisses off an abuser as much as their punching bag thriving.
You might try reading The Subtle Art of Not giving a Fuck. I know it’s helped a lot of people, my SO included.
Hey there, um, sounds like you’ve internalized a lot from your parents but they don’t matter. You’re working on yourself and that’s great. And who says you can’t like family friendly media? I’m older than you and still watch every new Pixar movie.
