You shouldn’t need to constantly defend yourself. The most important persons opinion on you, is you. Who do you want to be, how do you want to act? If x decision happens, was it the best decision you could make at the time with the information you have? If so, good call. Even if in hindsight it was wrong, no one can see the future.
If you constantly have to defend yourself, do you have toxic people in your life? Is the criticism aimed at you for your benefit or theirs? If theirs, learn to take a step back.
Rather than defending yourself which drags you into the mud with them, deflect it away. “If you say so.” “I’m sorry you feel that way”. There is a book called When I Say No, I feel Guilty, and it’s great at teaching you practical ways to resist other manipulation etc.
Most importantly, if you wouldn’t change your decisions, take comfort and pride in them. If you make a mistake, don’t feel guilty, think how you’d do things differently next time. How you can learn from it. Guilt is wasted energy, redemption is much more positive way to channel things. “Well, I did this and maybe I wronged x, one thing I could do to improve things for person is this”.
I wish you luck on building yourself up, one step at a time. At your own time. Bad days happen and it’s OK, tomorrow is a new day. A new opportunity to change and improve things for your self.
Thank you for the insightful advice and for taking the time to write. I will make it a point to order the book today, best wishes.
You’re welcome. Good luck :)
Goddamn I feel you, bro. I learned recently that the world is filled with assholes. Nothing you say or do is going to make people treat you like a human being if they weren’t going to to begin with.
This realization helped me internally to no longer hate myself, but I’m a bit stuck as to where to go from here. I guess I’ll be chatting with my therapist about this sort of thing tomorrow.
What’s your scenario exactly?
While it is true the world is full of assholes it is full of good people too. I do my very best to not to place myself in the vicinity of the latter. I’m sure if we both thought about it we’ve been assholes too at some point in our journeys. Forgive me if I’ve misstepped. I will say from my own point of reference I have been both an asshole and a good person. I devout each day to being a better person although I’m certain I will always be an asshole in the eyes of someone. My scenario is long and complicated and best left to discussion between myself and my therapist. I do appreciate your reaching out however and I wish you the very best of life’s journey.
💜
I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time. Set boundaries with yourself and others. Easier said than done of course, but that is the only way to sanity. There will be consequences regardless. Act from the big picture/long term consequences.
