The fact that dipshit won an academy award for editing just kills me inside a little more every time I think about it.

Nothing is

I guess maybe we have different requirements, but I built a similar controller using a 68HC05 when I was in college (yes I am that old) and it had plenty of cycles left to burn. This thing is nearly an order of magnitude faster than the microcontroller I used.

EDIT: I will grant you the I/O is pretty limited, but you could also offload some of the work to an external timer/accumulator

A 32bit @24MHz CPU is extremely overpowered for those use cases.

Qi operates in the 87-205 KHz range. A power tool is several orders of magnitude slower.