I sometimes get dreams where I drink alcohol. I haven’t had a drink in over 5 years. I don’t think it has anything to do with wanting to drink, and more a fear of somehow accidentally drinking and fucking up my streak (even though I’m like 99% sure that if that were to happen, I’d not start drinking again).
At my last job I was asked to get a certain cert as one of my yearly goals. When I asked for time to study, I was told to do it on my own time. I said “If you want me to do this on my own time, clearly it is optional and I’m not doing it.” and then I didn’t.
In my case there was no raise to be had from doing it though, so it was easier to refuse. Good luck!
Trust me. Being healthy feels great. In my early twenties I used to do all the drugs, smoked and drank every day. I didn’t have any obvious health issues, but I can tell you now, that being fit and healthy feels so much better. I used to feel pretty miserable, but now I feel like I can do anything. Self care is important for self love. You can still be happy, even with all the shit going on, but you need to look after yourself.