It is 10% now, and goes to 25% on June first.

No, it’s a pizza, and if it weren’t it would be either of those things either.

Heard Island and McDonald Islands better recognize.

Yes! I had that thought after I posted it, but didn’t bother to come back. You are 100% correct.

my dick may be small but it sure smells like big one!

I think you may have reworded this on purpose for hilariousness (which it is).

The joke goes, though: my dick may be small but it smells like a foot.

Jurisdictional authority.

When you play RPS with civilized individuals, you’re meant to speak aloud your chosen object at the same time as creating the shape with your hand. The winner then proclaims victory by saying “mine”, and the next round begins.

Why does sorting by trending only show posts from December 10th?

No one wants personalized answers. They want smart answers, like what was promised: talking to a professor. The promise of AI was to help me look smart on the internet. I’m a dumbass, why would I want you to tell me more dumbass things?

Oh no, if they cap interest rates at 10% then Capital One will take away my 1% cash back rewards program.

What was that, fifteen years ago?

On that, we can agree!

Signed, a Pirates fan.

Damn, this works against all my enemies. MAGA and Cincinnati Reds fans.

Wrong. It’s the kind that likes to find the decapitated strawberry tops, covered with their guests spit littered throughout their home.

I wanna know what kind of host puts out strawberries with the tops still attached.

Mulva?

Potato, obviously.

They made interfering with ICE operations domestic terrorism, just so they could say this without lying.

That’s Jenny’s phone number.

Trump capturing Greenland is the same as Russia capturing Greenland, which is why trying to convince him to target Russian ghost ships is not going to work.