Hey, got any grapes?

I’ve fortunately never had to use online dating apps myself, but I have looked over male friends’ dating profiles.

I think my best guy friend would be one of the better men out there, but he just got out of a seven-year relationship, is in a hurry to settle down before 30, and comes off really intense in his profile and messages without realizing it. Three big red flags right there.

One example in his profile: while it isn’t a red flag to like cuddling, it is one to say his idea of a perfect first date is meeting for coffee, then going back to his place to cuddle and watch a movie. It took a lot to convince him to revise that section on the grounds that most women prioritize safety and won’t want to go back to a man’s place on the first date.

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I appreciate the clarification. Thank you 🙂

I had another comment but I deleted it. It just sounds like you don’t want anyone to feel alone during the difficult process of transition, from a harm reduction standpoint, and that’s admirable.

I think I was just thrown by your wording about passing and then misinterpreted you, but I see what you mean. I’m a person who would rather be alone than be in men-only social spaces, but that’s not everyone, and I’m glad that this womens’ community can be a place of belonging for transmascs on their journies who choose to participate here.

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That makes sense. Thank you for clarifying.

I guess the subreddit allowing comments from trans men but not cis men makes me feel uncomfortable because I’d like to feel like I’m accepted in c/womensstuff because I’m a woman, not because I’m trans. If othera trans people are accepted into a women’s community because they’re trans and not a woman, and it makes me wonder why I’m specifically allowed here. If that makes sense.

But the polices here are far better than, in your example, womens’ communities who accept anyone with two x chromosomes.

And I’m not saying anyone should be excluded on my account. I know what exclusion feels like and it hurts. You’re right, it is very individual, and I personally don’t want to be anywhere near a men-only space. But there’s so much I can never understand about the trans man experience being a trans woman. Keep on doing what you’re doing. This is a well moderated community :)

Wanting to be included in spaces that align with one’s gender identity doesn’t have anything to do with passing though.

And while I can’t speak for all of us, being accepted in opposite-gender spaces because we don’t pass is no consolation prize. To the contrary, telling a trans woman, “You should find men’s spaces to be accepted in until you pass,” or vice versa, is what’s actually cruel.

Comfy cotton shorts and a camisole and wool socks. In the fall and winter, I wear sweatpants instead, and if it’s really cold, I throw on a cardigan. All in black so they go well with each other or as part of other outfits. It’s modular and minimalist and I spent way too much time thinking about and perfecting sleepwear over the past decade lol.

But I specifically like that they’re not technically pajamas because, like OP, I feel weird if I’m in pajamas all day. So the bottoms can double as lounge clothes if necessary and pair decently with most of my tops for a super casual look on a lazy day.

I actually don’t own any traditional pair of pajamas, which is all right by me.

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I’m trans and I see where you’re coming from. I was boycotting the game ahead of launch because I didn’t want to support J.K. Rowling, who has based her career off of making our lives harder.

But…it’s been two years. We lost the battle. The boycott led to the Streisand effect and the game sold insanely well. Trans people got a ton of negative press converage. We were all made out to be intolerant and cruel because one trans person said something that made the GirlfriendReviews lady cry. It seemed like after that, GamerGate 2 went into effect and so many games with diversity are getting preemptively reviewbombed, like Dragon Age: The Veilguard, leading to layoffs and shuttered development teams, while games like Black Myth Wukong with a known sexist director are insanely popular.

Hogwarts Legacy seems like such a small issue now. Now it’s 2025 and we’re quickly losing all our rights in an ongoing Constitutional crisis. These days, while I’d prefer if cis people buy the game used and add disclaimers to the posts they make about it, I’m too exhausted to care about the Wizard game and who chooses to play it.

There has never been a situation where I haven’t been the one who does all the chores.

So I’m dating a woman now who I live with and I thought, “Now I’ll finally get an equal distribution of household labor.” Lol nope. But everything else in our relationship is great other than that.

I’m sorry. Comment deleted!

I think pop culture and fandom gives celebrities too much power over public consciousness, both when they appear nice and when it’s been discovered that they’re awful. But, at the end of the day, they’re just regular humans that the rest of us treat as gods.

I don’t know Neil Gaiman, Johnny Depp, or Amber Heard personally, so I don’t really have opinions or looked into those matters. It’s awful when people are abused, and I hope victims get the help that they need from people around them and within the legal system, which I know is imperfect. Personally, I’m not part of the jury or know any of these people, and I’m not in a position where I can help, so it’s a lot more mental bandwidth than I can personally handle. Sometimes I worry that celebrity drama, and the reports of violence that sometimes comes with that, is a form of entertainment for some people. But I also realize for other people, following drama is a way to confirm if justice has been served, or analyzing a victim’s lived experiences for self-protection against wolves in sheeps’ clothing, so I’m not judging anyone. What I’ll say is if someone in my life or who lives in my city needs help, I’m there for them.

My 15-year-old self probably wouldn’t recognize me, but would be okay with me being a woman. I would have transitioned earlier had I known it was possible, and I always had a “be true to who you are” mentality from the start.

I got my dream job and met my soulmate later than I hoped, so I hope past me isn’t a perfectionist. The wait was worth it. I’m not living in my dream city, but where I ended up is very similar.

Past me would be sad that I’m not in a band, and I hope she would understand that chronic acid reflux killed my dream of continuing as a concert saxophonist. I’ve started over and am learning piano instead. I’ll get there if she’ll be patient. The tradeoff is that I realized I can kind of sing, which would make her really happy…except I’m a baritone and not an alto. But that’s okay. It’s a step up.

I think she’d be most glad that I faced my demons. I’m not sad all the time anymore. The social anxiety never totally went away, but I can carry a conversation with new people, and I can easily pick up a phone without having a panic attack. I got out of that awful relationship, learned to stand up for myself, and realized a relationship isn’t a requirement for happiness.

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Presumably, there would be no dirt, since water cleans dirt off of foxes.

Today I, a northerner, learned “hoecake” is a type of food and not some derogatory insult.😅

This will be me someday. 😁

https://tastesbetterfromscratch.com/5-minute-whole-wheat-pancakes/

I love whole wheat, so I take this recipe and use brown sugar instead of honey to make it sweet. It’s healthy and delicious, and goes great with tofu scrambles.