No problem.

I’ll add one other thing: Others have mentioned couples therapy. This is a great idea. Even if the relationship is already over, worst case scenario is they both gain some insight into their own toxic behavioural patterns to make their next relationship better.

I’m glad that I’m not the only who is willing to share such a controversial opinion

Controversial opinion maybe but I don’t think doing this is very nice, and I do not support slashing people with anything.

Hotter take: ban religion completely outside of religious facilities and private dwellings.

No iconography, no discussion, nothing. You can go into your temple and do whatever stupid shit you want, you can aid the poor if you want, but everything to do with your religion stays behind closed doors.

Amen.

Nobody takes issue with the idea that people can’t own people. Until they’re in a relationship and they start thinking of their partner as their property.

The insecurity around the all-or-nothing nature of monogamy creates all of the problems in monogamy.

Plus: orgies. Like. What’s the point of living without orgies?

Sex with one person, forever, no group sex, incessant discussions around fidelity driven by insecurity, gee, where do I sign up?

No one teaches you how to have a relationship. So people just kind of default into patterns that are often toxic.

It’s why taking a step back and being deliberate about how to communicate is so important. There needs to be a shared understanding and deliberateness about how to intentionally communicate.

And it needs to be something that applies equally to everyone involved. No copouts, no special circumstances that only go one way, there need to be firm, hard rules with specific consequences that apply evenly to all involved that are arrived at communally, and not unilaterally.

It takes two to tango.

The defensive lashing out type stuff happens because he hasn’t established firm boundaries around it. And she’s probably lashing out about stuff because… Well. Doesn’t matter, really.

There need to be firm boundaries about how to have a discussion that apply evenly to both of them. Both of them need to buy into these rules. When the lines are crossed the discussion ends.

This isn’t about shutting down a discussion but having the awareness to recognize constructive versus destructive discussions.

Setting reasonable, adult boundaries and rules, sticking to them, and establishing that certain behaviours are problematic are the only way this gets better.

If she’s unable to recognize her own defensiven ss as a problem and work on it all of this falls apart but having the framework in place will allow transparency into the why of it.

My religion is “keep your religion dar the fuck away from me”.

I believe in freedom from religion even more strongly than of religion