it felt like admitting defeat to IBS at the time, but my QOL improved a lot when i bit the bullet and just started carrying baby wipes in my bag everywhere in case i had to poop away from my precious at home. those + immodium in my backpack are my doodooass travel kit.
doesn’t do me any good if i encounter multi-stall bathrooms where you have to poop next to others though, nowhere to throw the little wipes away :(
if for w/e reason a bidet is not in the cards please at least incorporate baby wipes into your routine, i cannot imagine going back into plato’s doodoo cave & just rawdogging TP
that’s our (humanity’s) secret, officer…we’re all crashouts
(i breka down weeping in the starbucks while imagingin i am becoming the increidble hualk)
the Big Beautiful Working Class (who needs to mercilessly devour the bourgeoisie: for the sake of our friends, siblings, lovers, parents, children, children’s children, our comrades we’ll never meet who live a globe away, their children & parents & friends & lovers, the memories (or even spirits if you conceive of realoity like that) of our past comrades & their friends, siblings, lovers, parents, children.
( 
ahem um, devour them as in politically - bloodlessly & non-literally, like a big old peaceful general strike that goes “boo!” 
and scares the mean ol’ industrialists so much they hand over the reins of power. yeah.)
sorry hexchapos i am crashout-core tn
which way, western they?? (pull out my heart and feed it to the megathread, or go to badposting and make a “lenin my goat” spampost???)
this timeline is fucked i need to find the right way to nihilistically crashout we could’ve had something beautiful but isntead we live on nazi-earth
XR is an alternative my doc discussed in case of a shortage when i got my first script. i haven’t asked pharmacies about it because they’re ready to be done with the convo after the first question about stock, nevermind the “okay what about chewables, okay if that’s a no what about name brand.” it is definitely something to consider though, i’m just finding it overwhelming to even make the handful of calls a day i’ve been making at the moment.
and yeah sadly i think maybe my city is just unlucky in terms of shortages/backlogs :( it seems very region-to-region
either my one boomer colleague or members of the public are snitching on me/general front desk staff for not Doing the Song and Dance enough - directly after giving me phony ass praise for taking on an extra project, my direct supervisor told me “also, make sure you’re not forgetting to say hi to people as they walk into the rec center :) :) :)” (idk if it’s really his fault, he probably has limited latitude to just Not Respond to those kinds of customer complaints, but still but still but still)
can we bring the original, actual definition of emotional labor re: service workers/public servants back into public consciousness and destroy the pop psych “oh shit being a good friend or partner is hard sometimes, sorry buddy that’s a you problem 
” conception of it that’s taken over???
career switching to this parks department community service shit sounded real nice on paper (serving the collective good!! no (direct) profit motive!!) but goddam do i fucking hate the american public & their expectation that just because you’re in a public-facing position you become some wholly servile wretch rather than just a motherfucker who’s there to do a job for a wage.
dystopian as it is have any of my adhd brethren had luck using medfinder during shortages? paying 50 bones for the privilege of just finding a place that has medicine that lets you function is obviously degrading and humiliating but ive blown more money than that on lame nights out drinking and my lock-in pills actually help me be a full human being and shit.
express scripts has my adhd meds in stock but because my pharmacy insurance is a competitor to express scripts i cannot use express scripts and my insurance’s mail-service pharmacy does not have my meds but will get them in the third week of july so if i send a script to them i get the honor of being allowed on their waitlist and and and an 
(<— the DEA if that wasn’t clear)
crying can be good though, your brain might actually be cool and doing you a favor by providing a source of relief & catharsis 
Edit: also friends of the present can cause good/happy tears!!
the common toxic straight relationship thing of “no opposite gender/gender-presenting friends” really crumbles when you think about the fact that bisexual people r real.
no friends, i guess wld be the logical end point of that scenario.
switching to a field where i am constantly socially available (either to my colleagues (100% of the day) or the general public in addition to my colleagues (~50% of the day)) & there is zero privacy may have not been the move for a neurodivergent introverted sensory-issues-tweaker like me. and the fucked up thing is this is probably like a top two most tolerable job i’ve ever had & i still hate it.
im burning the fuck out on humanity and working with the general american public is part of what’s got me in a depressive haze and it’s making me a more isolated & less loving person & also i feel like my political organizing life is suffering for it. even just being mildly on the front lines at this job of all the ambient selfishness & entitlement & reaction floating around our class in this country has me in a nihilistic rut.
idk i am just struggling to find the lovable parts in people alongside the annoying/selfish parts even though i know rationally blah blah blah we’re all results of material conditions, people are reachable/changeable, they aren’t fundamentally bad, i’ve been many many worse versions of myself in the past so i should practice empathy & forgiveness to the greatest extent possible, blah blah blah yes i know and deep down i agree but rn i’m just not in that headspace.
like even when the public is Fine i feel like i sense a lurking darkness and transactional apathy and i don’t know if this is just me/my insecurities and my temperament being bad for this work, if i’m sensing something real, or a mix of both.
(my coworkers are a whole nother matter but i’ll leave that aside)
@[email protected] TY homie, so it’s as i feared that there aren’t really any great shortcuts around the legwork re: adhd meds, though i appreciate the tip about asking them to check other locations at larger chains. i’ll start making calls tomorrow and hope for the best… 
appreciate you!!
any USian adhd homies have tips for how to more efficiently track down meds when your pharmacy decides to nope out of carrying the shit that lets you function reasonably well? when there was a backlog last time i called a million pharmacies and they all told me they didn’t have any, is there a more efficient method than hitting these spots one by one?? i have a week and change to find a new spot which could be worse but im still tweaking about this 
local pharmacy got bought out, not going to be able to order any schedule II substances for the foreseeable future
last backlog i called a dozen and a half pharmas, all either backlogged or lied to me about supply and treated me like i was just a tweaker
eternal death to the DEA
wait wasn’t that Melina? wait are all 3 the same person???
ah u know what nvm, this shits boring