likely in response to my comments on the beehaw post, which i linked to (hopefully im doing this right?). apparently, calling people you dont know for the first time “they/them” before being told their pronouns is “misgendering”. absurd. this kind of attitude threatens the larger LGBTQ community and is partially why cishets hate us after we won so much progress back in the 00s and 10s.
im a queer person. im neurodivergent. this shit is so goddamn fucking annoying, especially as an older queer who got physically assaulted on a near daily basis for being queer in the 90s. the kids today get their panties in a twist over being supposedly “misgendered” by someone calling them gender neutral pronouns before being corrected. narcissistic victimhood bullshit.
anyways, now banned from one of my favorite instances. meanwhile in the US theyre planning on hunting us. but yeah, lets ban fellow queers over their view that people who get mad about being “misgendered” when they arent (cis people are also referred to as “they/them” before further context in a conversation with a stranger) are just attention seeking brats that threaten the larger movement. its so obvious to me that the brats who find reason to be offended over innocent pronoun use never faced real adversity, like getting repeatedly physically beaten.
edit - the best part of all of this is i faced no moderation from beehaw and all of my comments are +1 or higher. power tripping oversensitive neurodivergent hating bastard of a mod over at blahaj IMO.
edit 2 - did this wrong. heres a link to the post i think got me banned from blahaj and a screenshot about it https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/37659465
Edit 3 - apparently I did nothing wrong until I made my thoughts known about how the pronoun police fucked over the larger LGBTQ community as our rights are backsliding in America. Yall are gonna whine about being misgendered to the concentration camp guards at the rate we’re going. God forbid I be angry that while queers were busy fighting over pronouns our adversaries stuffed the courts, stuffed the school boards, couped the government, and are installing a fascist dictatorship. When I say that these fucking toddlers are going to learn what real oppression tastes like, that’s what I mean. It’s not that I want us to be hurt or oppressed (as the dog piling idiots have interpreted), it’s that the younger generation is weak as hell and lost the fucking plot in the fight for our rights. I grew up getting beaten in the streets for being queer only for these kids to claim their pronouns not being mind-read is oppression!
OP has revealed their true colours in their comments in the threads here. Fucking LGB alliance bullshit. If you wanna divide the queer community like this you are absolutely gatekeeping at best and straight up transphobic in all likelihood. I on the other hand will continue to love and support every single facet of the 2SLGBTQIA+ spectrum without calling something I don’t experience or understand “attention seeking brats”.
“Never faced real adversity” Jesus Christ fuck you. If being denied the opportunity to marry officially is adversity then being denied your EXISTENCE officially is also fucking adversity. This is textbook gate keeping and ladder pulling. You fought for gay/lesbian/bisexual rights and you got somewhere with it and now that transgender and genderqueer people who don’t have their rights are asking for support you call them whiny piss babies.
I’m trying my absolute best to bee nice as per my instance, but no. From the bottom of my autistic, transgender, lesbian heart - fuck you.
And here’s the kicker. I could not be more opposed to you right now. BUT I will still fight for you and accept you as part of the queer community.
Stop trying to hide behind your queerness or neurodivergence and take ownership of your bigotry and try to address it.
Do not bother replying to me, OP,
I will not read it.But I hope you grow.YDI
LOL YOU THINK THIS IS ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE?
No you dumb fuck, I used to be BEAT IN THE FUCKING STREET FOR 15 FUCKING YEARS OF MY LIFE.
Hearing whiny fucks bitch and moan about how oppressed they are because somebody called them a they/them instead of he/him or she/her is fucking INFURIATING.
And y’all don’t want to admit that the pronoun bullshit is why we’ve lost so much of what we gained. Y’all don’t want to admit that being whiny fucks made y’all lose the plot.
So now we’re all at risk, from the bottom of my autistic lesbian heart, fuck all the people who got hung up on pronouns instead of fighting the real fucking fights. Pronouns in your bio and rainbows in the street and corporate rainbow washing didn’t do fucking shit for any of us but the kids bought it hook line and sinker.
While queers were whining about their pronouns the federalist society took over our courts. While queers were whining about their pronouns our country got couped. Queers are gonna be whining about their pronouns all the way to the concentration camp guards.
God you’re insufferable. Fine I’ll bite.
I used gay marriage as a way to help you see similarities.
Answer me one question, real quick: do you think transgender and genderqueer people are oppressed?
YES! But not because somebody accidentally called them they!
Fucking HELL the dog piling omg my feelings are hurt queers are insufferable
I don’t give a fuck about gay marriage I give a fuck about my physical safety in the streets my generation fought long and hard for only for the pronoun police generation to piss away
Cool at least you understand that we’re oppressed.
You act like all we suffer is pronouns and other stuff you consider inconsequential. We’re being beaten and bullied at school, we’re being murdered, we’re having entire government campaigns created to eradicate us. You’d think that under all that oppression, we could at least expect a member of our queer community to not call us piss babies for wanting our pronouns respected.
You should give a fuck about gay marriage and you should give a fuck about the erasure of the existence of transgender people. You should also give a fuck about any of us being beaten or abused or denied the life saving healthcare we require. You don’t need to draw a line in the sand conveniently at issues that don’t affect you.
I AM queer. Gender nonconforming. I’ve faced trans related violence just by being perceived as trans as an adult.
The majority of the online discourse is a bunch of queer children whining about their pronouns. “You’re misgendering someone if you call them they/them! It erases their gender!” No the fuck it does not. I’d like to reiterate I got banned for arguing that. not for disrespecting someone’s established pronouns, but for arguing about how fucking ridiculous this splitting hairs is when we have much bigger fights to fight right now.
And yeah, this shit is triggering to me because I’ve been beat up within inches of my life and we’re fighting about fucking pronouns???while they’re building concentration camps for us??? (referring to Guantanamo, a legal black hole, which for now will be used for immigrants but we all know it’s not stopping there and the immigrants don’t deserve that treatment either)
I believe we should call people what they want to be called while at the same time not having a fucking shit fit and banning people over using fucking English as intended. Apparently based on the dog piling of whiny queer comments it’s like I called for everyone to be hung. Fucking UNREAL.
I’m gonna ignore all of this and talk to you directly as an autistic to an autistic. There are so many times I asked a friend of mine “Hey, I forgot mutual friend X’s gender, what were their pronouns again” but what they heard was “Oh no the trans-genders and the pronouns are so confusing, they should stick with what on their birth certificate” and then I wake up the next day with no friends because that friend told all their friends I was being a transphobe.
Now, let’s think about this from their perspective. If you saw a friend of yours being a bigot to another one of your friends, would you still hang out with them? I wouldn’t. If I heard one of my friends was homophobic or transphobic or racist or any other kind of bigot, I would instantly block and shun them. I do not want bigots of any kind around me or my friends. There is a reason that cults practice shunning, and that is because it fucking works.
Continuing this, lets say our hypothetical ex-friend had been accused of being transphobic to one of your trans friends. What would they need to do to be either forgiven or absolved of guilt? Even if they were in fact transphobic, they can admit they are wrong. And if the accusation was wrong, what proof would you need? What sort of behavior would you need to see from them to forgive them?
I am positive that you as an elder queer have had many, many, many experiences where someone you thought you could trust turned out to be a homophobe. It really hurts. After a while, you start only seeing the worst in people.
As an autistic, it was really rough learning what would come across as a microaggression. Can’t ask to be reminded of the pronouns, because it might be interpreted as passive-aggressive transphobic whinging about pronouns. When I do fuck up, I can’t give the big apology that I think misgendering someone deserves because my autistic RBF will make it come across as sarcastic. You just have to quickly correct yourself and move on without drawing attention to it. It feels like blowing a red light and hitting someone because I was just plopped behind the wheel of a car without being taught how to drive.
Your tantrum here was very cathartic for me, because it really is fucking terrible trying navigate a world full of traumatized people. I don’t like accidentally triggering people. I want people to feel safe around me! But if I had thought I’d seen a person doing a microaggression, and then I saw them throwing a tantrum about how them getting shunned was because everyone else is a pee pee piss piss boy and this is why the cishets hate us, I would be inclined to think they were at least regressive, if not one of the republican gays who think that we need to chop off everything past the B in LGBTQ+.
Just to be clear, I don’t think you’re transphobic. I have experienced the same sort of things as you. It’s rough restraining myself from flailing around in response to being accused of stuff. It is humiliating to prostrate myself and beg forgiveness of things I know I did not do. But we live in a fucking society full of bigots and people traumatized by those fucking bigots, and these are the rituals that keep our corner of society even a little bit sane.
It seems more to me like the TQ wants to rid themselves of the LGB with their pronoun tirades and temper tantrums.
And yeah, I have few real friends. Luckily none lost because of homophobia, but more so because I’m not fucking poly and I’m tired of everyone in the LGBTQ community (at least by me) seeming to be poly. (And they really like to claim “ethical” non monogamy when they’re full of shit about their so called “ethical” behavior) So I’ve been used and abused by quite a few of my fellow queers I thought were my friends but weren’t.
I live in an extremely lonely rural area, but it’s better than living in a city and feeling just as lonely.
I’ve come to a point in my life where I might as well reject the queer community since I’m already rejected by them.
It seems more to me like the TQ wants to rid themselves of the LGB with their pronoun tirades and temper tantrums.
Woah, hey, what the fuck? Here I thought you were having a sincere overreaction but no, this is all just transphobia, and possibly homophobia. You’re basically ranting about the whole community being non-monogamous? Sexually deviant?
“Terminally online whiny piss babies”? You want to reject the community? You think they’ve all just had it easy? You live a “lonely rural life” and think you can talk about how people have had it easy? Paint the whole community red like that but it’s okay if you say “(at least by me)”?
Transgender people have had it easy?
Absolutely not with this shit, I do not give you any more benefits of the doubt or good faith. You are hitting all the bigot talking points regardless of what you identify as.
You do not get to divide the community at a time like this. Trying to stir shit up and turn LGB on TQ and vice versa, yeah, you need to GTFO.
No, I’m ranting about the whole community being overtaken with “poly” views, which I don’t have to agree with or accept as a monogamous person whos been used and abused and lied to by so called “ethically” non monogamous people. They can all fuck each other for all I care, but I’m not going to stand for being fucked over.
I used to live in a city. Doesn’t matter where I live, the queer community is only accepting of a certain kind of queer. Which I’m not.
I used to live in a city. Doesn’t matter where I live, the queer community is only accepting of a certain kind of queer. Which I’m not.
You do not get to paint the whole community like this. The community is only accepting of a certain kind of person: the kind of person that accepts and supports the community.
You’re not doing that. You’re stirring shit up, acting like some members of the community haven’t earned their place, and throwing around some extremely inappropriate stereotypes like your alleged experience is indicative of the community as a whole.
You want to be homophobic and stereotype people like this, and you want to be transphobic and dismiss their struggles up to now as “having it too easy”?
And you fucking come around saying they deserve to be oppressed? They “have it coming” because they “wouldn’t listen to their elders”? You want them to be oppressed?
Then you’re absolutely right. You’re not the kind of person the community accepts. Get the fuck out.
Calling a queer person homophobic and transphobic because they don’t agree with absurd pronoun policing or polyamory. Classic.
Sorry I’m not one of the cool kids.
Of the three trans people I know IRL, all of them are in a (from the outside) stable, monogamous relationship. The only poly people I know are cis-het.
Let’s consider that bias influences what we see and want to see.
I’m a women who dates AFAB women. They’re all fucking poly in this area. And dishonest.
That’s the LGTBQ community in vermont. Note ALL the letters. A giant poly cesspool of people who have zero desire for a traditional committed relationship. But they’ll lead you on and tell you otherwise!
I’m allowed to not like it or agree with it. I find it emotionally dangerous and ive been traumatized numerous times by these people.
Girl. Read your comment again. Please. It reads like a grandma in the nursing home ranting about how all the kids these days are all premarital hand-holding and being publicly indecent.
Look, I’m poly. I’m in a monogamous relationship, but just because I’m not currenly performing poly-ness doesn’t mean I don’t think and see the world like a poly person. My wife-to-be isn’t poly and I’m not gonna push her. I’m sorry that your friends seem to have pushed you, and I can sympathize since so many poly people seem to use it as a crutch for being a bad partner, but you don’t get to be a dick about it.
Back when I used to live in the rust belt, I had a lesbian coworker who was a big trump supporter as well as a born-again Christian who thinks that gay and trans people are all going to hell. She only does couple stuff with her wife (how she got a wife I will never know) behind closed doors because she doesn’t want to “indoctrinate the children”. That’s our real enemy, if you can call it that: gay people oppressing themselves and dragging each other down with them.
I was a daycare teacher for a while. You know what I do when a kid throws a temper tantrum? I leave them alone until they calm down, and then I treat them like the tantrum didn’t happen. Sometimes they want to tell me what made them upset after, and we can fix it. Sometimes they just need it out of their system. I’m of the opinion that adults are just toddlers with manners. Let the tantrum happen, don’t judge them for it, move tf on.
You misunderstood the entire post it looks like.
OP asks the question “what if I know or have been introduced to the person’s pronouns but forget?” This is visible in OP’s own admission: “I am terrible at remembering people’s pronouns.”
Someone responded with slight misunderstanding or perhaps inclarity essentially saying “if you misgender someone you might seem bigoted.”
Then instead of giving any good faith or asking for clarification, you responded with very high toxicity.
Now, I can see that you misunderstood and thought the conversation was about people you don’t know, but your response was very inappropriate and normalizing of hate, using phrases like “For fucks sake this is why the heteros hate us. Younger queers need faux outrage to feel important.” Even the beehaw mod gave you a reprimand.
That behavior and escalation of the conversation is terribly toxic and I do not blame blahaj for not giving you an in depth benefit-of-the-doubt investigation before deciding they didn’t want that behavior.
Verdict: YDI but I get how this misunderstanding happened. My suggestion:
- Reread the post and your comments.
- Acknowledge your misunderstanding and apologize to the person you were toxic to.
- Apologize and clarify the misunderstanding to blahaj.
- Work on your deescalation skills.
yeah I blocked that entire instance for being full of those sorts of morons, and I’m gay. I don’t have the time or patience for that.
I just wish instance blocks extended to users, would make getting rid of entire swathes of annoying dipshits so much easier. Imagine being able to mass-block every user from lemmygrad.
A man can dream.
So did I. It reminds me of how users in incel reddits or FDS behave… Transcel (dear God please don’t ever let that become a thing).
According to those idiots, if you differ from them in any way shape or form, you absolutely cannot be an lgbtqtia+ ally and are actually a transphobe.
Morons.
