• UsefulInfoPlz@lemmy.world
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    6 hours ago

    Can we have your liver?

    I wanted to help people… so i became a waiter.

    It’s just a wafer thin mint.

    Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm gets waisted, god gets quite irate.

    But I can’t read!

    But i just paid! No you didn’t.

    • edited for excessively fat fingers…
  • Mountaineer@aussie.zone
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    8 hours ago

    Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

    You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

    I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

  • fubarx@lemmy.world
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    7 hours ago

    “I told him we already got one.”

    [ Soldiers snicker ]


    “Tis but a scratch.”

  • nevermind@lemm.ee
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    9 hours ago

    He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy.

    Help, help, I’m being repressed!

    No thanks, we’ve already got one.

    Lucky I didn’t tell him about the dirty knife.

    This bloke won’t ’aggle!

  • GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    9 hours ago

    So many great ones to choose from, I’ll just go with the first couple that pop into my head:

    “Go on, be crucified, see if i care.”

    “Let’s not go to Camelot, tis a silly place.”

    “How shall we fuck off, o Lord?”

  • ℕ𝕖𝕞𝕠@slrpnk.net
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    9 hours ago

    “There is NOOOOOOO rule six!” from the Philosophy Dept. of the University of Wallamaloo sketch

    or

    “You husband has succumbed to a condition that we in the medical community refer to as ‘Hooping Cough’.” from the self-narrarion sketch

    or

    “Aah! I will not buy this tobacconist, eet is scratched!” from the Hungarian phrasebook sketch

  • kubica@fedia.io
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    9 hours ago

    “Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I’m a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood’s gone.”