I was walking back from the gas station and the cold was already in my lungs and I just wanted to get inside and warm up and then I saw…my neighbor from hell walking down the hill towards me. He didn’t see me so I darted behind someone’s house, then cut through two backyards up to my house. Now I say I’m lucky because no one was home at those 3 houses, and my ass could have potentially been shot by some unhinged boomer who keeps a shotgun by the door.

My neighbor sucks and when he’s drunk (which is all the time) he doesn’t respect your time and tries to talk your ear off about how evil “Mexicans” are and how his life is shit because his license got taken away for multiple DUIs.

Suburbs suck.

  • LaGG_3 [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    30·
    5 days ago
    example

    My pooch is not named Rover, Fluffy, Spot or Rex. I wanted something different, so I named my puppy, Sex.

    To renew my doggie’s license. I went down to City Hall. “I’d like a license for Sex”, I said. He said, “Wouldn’t we all?” “You must not have understood, I need it for my mutt.” “I really don’t care how she looks, if she’s ugly, fine or what.” “But Sir, I must tell you, I’ve had Sex since I was four!” You are no more than a braggart”, and he showed me out the door.

    Newly married, we brought our pet along for the honeymoon. I told the clerk, “A place for us, but for Sex, a special room.” “Every room has a place for sex, each room has a bed.” “But Sex keeps me up at night.” “It keeps me up, too”, he said. At our divorce the court gave all my possessions to the wife I protested, “Please Your Honor, I had Sex before my married life!” The judge then said that he did, too. “It’s not a real big crime” “But Sir, before we tied the knot, I had Sex all the time” The judge said I could still have sex, so I took my hound and ran. My wife then said she’d miss Sex, so I remained a married man.

    Last night Sex ran off again as we walked around the block. A cop pulled up and asked if I knew it was three o’clock. I told him that I was looking for Sex and he took me straight to jail. Now I’m waiting for my trial to come and can’t get out on bail.

    …if I ever get another dog, I think I’ll name him, “Whoopie” or “Boom-Boom!” Anything but Sex!