I was walking back from the gas station and the cold was already in my lungs and I just wanted to get inside and warm up and then I saw…my neighbor from hell walking down the hill towards me. He didn’t see me so I darted behind someone’s house, then cut through two backyards up to my house. Now I say I’m lucky because no one was home at those 3 houses, and my ass could have potentially been shot by some unhinged boomer who keeps a shotgun by the door.
My neighbor sucks and when he’s drunk (which is all the time) he doesn’t respect your time and tries to talk your ear off about how evil “Mexicans” are and how his life is shit because his license got taken away for multiple DUIs.
Suburbs suck.
My being annoyed by this old guy who drives around in his truck and hands out printed dog themed sex jokes seems pretty minor in comparison lol
example
My pooch is not named Rover, Fluffy, Spot or Rex. I wanted something different, so I named my puppy, Sex.
To renew my doggie’s license. I went down to City Hall. “I’d like a license for Sex”, I said. He said, “Wouldn’t we all?” “You must not have understood, I need it for my mutt.” “I really don’t care how she looks, if she’s ugly, fine or what.” “But Sir, I must tell you, I’ve had Sex since I was four!” You are no more than a braggart”, and he showed me out the door.
Newly married, we brought our pet along for the honeymoon. I told the clerk, “A place for us, but for Sex, a special room.” “Every room has a place for sex, each room has a bed.” “But Sex keeps me up at night.” “It keeps me up, too”, he said. At our divorce the court gave all my possessions to the wife I protested, “Please Your Honor, I had Sex before my married life!” The judge then said that he did, too. “It’s not a real big crime” “But Sir, before we tied the knot, I had Sex all the time” The judge said I could still have sex, so I took my hound and ran. My wife then said she’d miss Sex, so I remained a married man.
Last night Sex ran off again as we walked around the block. A cop pulled up and asked if I knew it was three o’clock. I told him that I was looking for Sex and he took me straight to jail. Now I’m waiting for my trial to come and can’t get out on bail.
…if I ever get another dog, I think I’ll name him, “Whoopie” or “Boom-Boom!” Anything but Sex!
He drives up to people walking dogs and hands them out printed on the shittiest copy paper, so this was pretty much my reaction the first time it happened.
Man’s gotta have a hobby, I guess.
The Pervert’s Guide to Dog Ownership
I can close my eyes and hear it in his voice
And in the end he explains that it’s somehow a roundabout dig at how the liberal mind craves proximity to power but not the will to wield it, and so on and so forth
Edit: And then he says something horribly transphobic
Re: Re: Re: Re: Did you see this?? (so funny!!!)
Do I have to do self crit for finding this funny
You can admit that you’re a boomer at heart lol
A saga of our times.
boomers are proof that god isn’t real
what the fuck
he should go on the h3 podcast
I’d just tell this dude I don’t fucking care. Scream some shit at him. If he doesn’t respect your time then keep walkin
Im glad you didn’t get shot by some random drunk memaw
To be more civil you could just say “it’s fuckin cold man talk to you later”
Edit i hope this doesn’t come off as “you did this wrong” but im mad you had to do what you did and wish you didn’t have to and i wanna yell at him about how Mexicans are the only reason he can afford food that isn’t corn or soy
My way of dealing with guys like that is just keep walking. You can be friendly with them, and they might yap at you all the way to your front door. But then you hit em with the “sorry buddy, I gotta get back to making dinner” or whatever excuse and in ya go. If he didn’t suck I’d even say invite him in and let him keep yapping because sometimes people need somebody to yap at. But with racists and other douchebags, being pure “Can’t talk now sorry” mode and staying firm about it is pretty good.
Disregard if he’s unstable/violent. I’m just imagining old lonely divorced dad energy, not all the other varieties of reactionary drunks you might encounter like pokemon on a suburban street
lucky I didn’t get shot
looks inside
Suburbs suck.
My neighbor sucks and when he’s drunk (which is all the time) he doesn’t respect your time and tries to talk your ear off about how evil “Mexicans” are and how his life is shit because his license got taken away for multiple DUIs.
“I have a pot boiling on the stove I really have to go sorry man”
or
“The slow cooker is on I just nipped out but I really need to be there to watch it”
Or just “no time”
America especially sucks. Where my parents live which is for sure suburbs there’s the street the live around that then curves around to a other but there’s also a weird turn off into a third street wedged between the two. People get lost looking for the third street all the time or people who live in the area just dont wanna walk all the way around. The people who don’t have fences between the backyards are ones that are cool with you cutting through to get to the next street. Cause who tf cares? We had strangers pass through our backyard all the damn time, I made some friends as a kid that way. We were probably safer cause we had neighbors passing through our yard all the time when we were asleep or away.
This week there were gunshots again. More than usual. Cops posted up for 2 hours afterward with their seizure lights blazing against my blinds late at night.
I’d still rather live here than in a suburb, any day.
