When I get angry at people not following my instruction, it’s because I know these people will try to make the resulting mess my problem.
Like telling someone who’s missing both legs to get better shoes so they can keep up.
On the flip side, someone with legs isn’t gonna understand the point of prosthetics because it would be totally useless to them.
ADHD has definitely opened my eyes to how much we humans subconsciously assume we know everything based on our own experiences.
Like telling someone who’s missing both legs to get better shoes so they can keep up.
But it’s not. You’re confusing material conditions with psychological conditions. The brain is far more plastic than the leg (stump). And neuroatypicals regularly develop coping mechanisms that would be the envy of any paraplegic.
ADHD has definitely opened my eyes to how much we humans subconsciously assume we know everything based on our own experiences.
I think people will often divert to “This won’t work on me because I have ADHD” and often miss that lots of advice is just bad or otherwise useless to the public at-large. The “Bootstraps” mentality of self-help gurus constantly assume you have more free time, more financial slack, and more raw dumb luck than the average prole.
I can’t count how many times I’ve seen “just go door to door handing out resumes” pitched as a solution to a few million people rendered unemployed during a recession. I routinely see InsanePeopleFacebook tier “smart savings” advice that amounts to either comically unrealistic spending/savings rates or recklessly foolish investment tips. Then there’s the Common Wisdom that only survives the first two years out of high school. “Just go get an X”, be it a vocational career or a law degree or a ticket to the next boom town or a rich spouse, works right up until too many people take the same advice.
“Haha, you can’t trick me into joining your MLM because I’m neurdivergent” signals that you’ve made the right choice but often for the wrong reasons. As a result, it just opens you up to a different kind of affinity scam (“We invented an MLM for ADHD!”).
Rather than self-segregating and embracing alienation, we need to recognize the fundamental economic game as rigged and tackle it with a unified front.
These are excellent points UnderpantsWeevil
Also one of those things is visible and generally comprehensible to others.
Someone getting annoyed because your advice didn’t work for them due to their specific mental patterns…is very different from missing a leg.
someone with legs isn’t gonna understand the point of prosthetics
…?
Probably could have worded that better but there’s no perfect analogy :/
I was trying to say that when you look at someone missing legs most people immediately understand certain areas of life are more challenging for them than for yourself. You might even treat them with more respect because of this and support them when you’re able.
However, looking at someone with ADHD, you can’t see their prefrontal cortex or neurotransmitters at all. Thus it usually doesn’t make sense why life could be more challenging for them than it is for yourself.
The reality is most of us default to projecting our own life experience on others as hard facts (sometimes leading to false assumptions other people’s intentions). We could all really benefit from looking at people around us with an openness and curiosity, knowing that there’s a lot we don’t know and can’t see
It’s fair I can’t understand why they don’t just use the legs they don’t have
Any advice that starts with “just…” is automatically invalid.
… Make a list and do one at a time.
… Set a reminder.
… Install some time-tracking productivity software on your phone or computer.
… Go for a walk and clear your head.
… Keep a jug of water nearby.The one that got me when I was still undiagnosed still infuriates me to this day.
You just need to apply yourself more.
I tried that and went from a 90 average slacking off to a 92 burning myself out “applying myself” in place of any activity that brought me joy.
I didn’t understand for so long how people could just sit down and do shit, while I hated doing things like dishes so much it made me irrationally angry.
Just knowing I have a problem helped. With some consideration and research I got ideas on how to deal with some of my problems. Example: hate washing dishes? Reduce the number of dishes you have at home and replace as many as possible with dishwasher-safe alternatives (assuming you have a dishwasher). Then they can’t pile up so bad and it becomes less intimidating to take on.
What didn’t help: suggestions from people without ADHD. “Just do it”, “schedule it”, “task tracker”, etc… yeah fuck that.
- Struggle with eating fruit/veg instead of shit snacks? Buy pre-cut stuff.
- Don’t know what to cook? Use a recipe randomizer each week and just buy what you need, or just do 5 pages out of a cookbook or something, idk. Hell for a while I just made the same meals every week, no planning necessary.
- Hate folding clothes? Just don’t. Reduce the amount of clothing you have, get bins for each type of clothing, separate and pile that shit.
“Hate doing [task]? Just dont”
That’s my favorite one. :)
Yeah. Same here. Even my test results showed signs of overcompensation. I got most stuff correct in time, but my impulsivity (and gaming addiction) shined through. It was stressful as hell and I tried my best. Then took the test again on meds and 1) it wasn’t stressful, I was zen! 2) I was far less impulsive. xD
I will ask my psychiatrist to do the test again on medication. Interesting.
“Wow, that’s an amazing list of things I never considered doing”
Man, NTs get mad when you sarcastically point out why their advice is bad and you’re not willing to play along to not hurt their feelings.
